Does anyone have manners anymore?

We found ourselves in a very unique situation this past week. It all started last Sunday. There is a new couple at our church and we had talked to the wife a few weeks back at the church Christmas dinner. The husband was out of town at the time so we did not get to visit with him. There was nothing significant exchanged. The only common interest was that she heard Eric talking about football and how the Saints were his team and she said that was her team as well since she is from New Orleans.

I am going to call them Jack and Jill just to keep this anonymous for them even though I feel like I should be shouting their names from the rooftop warning everyone! Okay, so Jill came up to me after church on Sunday and asked if they could come over and watch the Saints game. I told her they hadn't been showing them even though we have the NFL package, our part of the country doesn't show the Saints games, but she could come and we would see if we could find it. I also said that I had a roast in the oven if they would like to join us for lunch. They eagerly came.

We get out of church at 12:30 so I planned for lunch to be ready at 1:30. They came at 1 and I told them when it would be ready and I hope they weren't too hungry. Jill's response, in a very serious tone was, "we are" and I told her she was welcome to go in my pantry to look for a snack since I was busy making lunch. She started to then decided to wait. Our husbands were in the other room when she informed me that they may be getting divorced. She said, "Yeah, when he was stationed in Germany for a year I cheated on him and never told him until a month ago when I was convicted at church so I told him at church. He is having a hard time forgiving me because I cheated on him before he went to Germany and he already forgave me once, but then when he left I was living with his mom and I went out and all I am going to say is there were two guys and a lot of alcohol." Needless to say, I was shocked! They have two children together, a 4yo and a 2yo. It was very sad. She said it very nonchalantly without any remorse. I thought that was weird. Eric walked in when I was making the mashed potatoes and he said that I made too much, which is funny because he has never said anything like that EVER and Jill said, "Don't worry, we will take the rest home." She was serious.

We ate lunch and then after lunch their kids were kind of melting down because they needed naps, but they didn't want to leave. Eric and I really like Jack. He seemed like a great guy. He reminded me a bit of Eric. He seemed really sad. Before church we had promised Grant that we would play Farkle. When Jack and Jill heard this they really wanted to stay and play, but their kids were not doing well. I told them they could take a raincheck if they needed to go home and put their kids down. They said no and that they wanted to stay. I set all of the kids (except Grant) up in the other room with bowls of dry cereal because it was 5:30 by this time and they watched Curious George. The 4 adults and Grant played Farkle.

At some point during the game her 2 year old had gone into the bathroom and put his hands in the toilet and she didn't wash his hands so I handed her Germ-X. She said, "We don't use that stuff because it kills the good bacteria and we rarely wash our hands. You shouldn't live in fear." I said, "I don't live in fear, it is a matter of cleanliness." I thought that was weird.

Halfway through the game Jill says, "Can I come over and do laundry tomorrow?" I said, "You know, normally I would say yes, but with the power outage yesterday I didn't get to do laundry and then I was going to do it today and you guys were here all day and we are getting ready to go out of town so I HAVE to do it tomorrow." She said, "PLEASE!" I then said, "There is just no way. I am also babysitting my friend's baby tomorrow during her grandma's funeral while trying to laundry at the same time. It is not possible." I have been very polite this whole time and I was shocked when she said, "Just one load?" I just said, "Let me call you tomorrow and if there is time for you to do one load I will let you know."

They left at 7:30 and I was very frustrated. I am a very good boundary setter with people and I am very well-mannered and hospitable. Jack is in the military and there were things that they kept saying that didn't add up. They moved here at the beginning of October from another base that is 4 hours away. Doesn't the military move your stuff? They say that their washer and dryer is over there and they don't have the money to get a trailer to move it. Hmmmm. I talked to a friend at church and she said that we should just give them $10 and tell them to go to the laundromat. That was a GREAT idea! Eric agreed and we went to bed and that was my plan for the next day until I woke up at 3 am and God told me NOT to give her money because that would open more unwanted doors with her. If you knew me in real life you would know that I am the one that gives money to the people holding the signs and I am always willing to help people. What God was telling me to do goes against how I naturally am. I prayed and prayed and prayed about this. I finally texted her and just said, "Sorry, laundry is not going to work today." She texted and asked if she could do it the next day and I relented. I just said yes, but you have to bring your own soap.

That night and all of the next morning I PRAYED HARD! I asked God to tell me what to say and what to do because I did not know how to handle this woman. When she came to my door I felt my heart harden towards her (that has never happened to me in my life and I know that God did it) and I wasn't very welcoming. Surprisingly, she brought her own lunch and lunchables for her 2 children instead of expecting me to feed them. My two older boys were at school and Sawyer asked her daughter if he could have a cracker and her daughter yelled NO at him. Jill didn't make her share with Sawyer so I went upstairs and asked Eric to run to the store and buy Sawyer a lunchable and to make it a good one. Sawyer was really hurt because he shares everything and he doesn't understand when someone isn't friendly and not sharing. But to top it all off she went to the refrigerator and got milk out and poured it for her kids without even asking. We definitely had not established that lack of formality in our relationship.

After lunch I was folding my laundry and Jill kept trying to initiate conversation with me about random things like movies and such and my heart was so hardened I didn't even respond. During this time her 4 year old daughter is screaming and being really mean to her little brother. Everything he tried to play with she would yank out of his hands. She hit him and pushed him constantly. Archer was crying like crazy and Eric came down and took Archer of his own volition and Archer didn't cry a peep after he went upstairs. Sawyer loves playing with kids and he had no desire to play with them and he kept asking if he could go upstairs with daddy. I really believe that there was some weird spiritual stuff going on. I put a show on for the kids and Sawyer was trying to watch it and the little girl kept going up to him and hitting him on the head. He kept telling her to stop and she wouldn't (they are the same age). I turned to the mom and I said very sternly, "He is our hitter and if she doesn't stop doing that he will punch her in the face so you better deal with her before that happens." She didn't do anything, but her daughter heard me and she stopped.

Her kids kept screaming and I said, "I just want you to know that Eric was really stressed when I told him that you were coming to do laundry with the kids. He works from home and he has very important teleconferences with important people all over the nation and if they hear screaming kids he could lose his job." I also started telling her that she needs to discipline her kids or they are going to be even worse when they are teenagers. For the record, I do not talk to people like this.

At one point I did ask her what does it look like as far as the kids go when they get divorced and she said that he would get the kids because she is an unfit mother.

This immediate laundry situation that she so desparately needed (I'm thinking socks and underwear, his military uniform...) was her clothes. Just one load of her clothes. I thought that was weird. I thought they must not have money to go to the laundromat and she said that they do have money but she doesn't want to WASTE it at the laundromat. Ummm, ok.

It ended with when she was getting ready to leave she said, "I may see you in a couple of days because I need to do more laundry." Evidently I had not made myself clear the first 5 or 6 times so I said, "No, you need to go to the laundromat" and she raised her hand up and rubbed her fingers together expressing "money". I said bye and shut the door.

After all of my prayers I feel like God is saying there is more than meets the eye in this situation. I don't know about Jack but Jill is definitely not an honest person. I left out SO MUCH of the things she said (she talks non-stop) that gave us red flags. If she does ask to do laundry again I am going to say, "It is totally inappropriate that you keep asking to do laundry when I have told you no."

Have any of you ever encountered this type of person and how do/did you deal with it?